Within the last century, quite a number of lost ancient religious texts have been found. Sadly, few of these, even when of an eschatological nature, have turned their attention in any detail to the work of economists. Especially lacking has been a consideration of the history of economic thought. Happily, this oversight can now be put partly right. I believe this could be the first finding of its kind ever published in the economics blogosphere. The discovery was certainly fortuitous, hidden as it was behind a dusty edition of Milton Friedman’s A Monetary History of the United States, which had somehow found its way into the lost books section of the local library. If it had not been for my insistence that the library clerk mount a step ladder to remove it from the area, the lost Book of Noah’s Wife might have fallen into the hands of the monetarists.
Lost Book of Noah’s Wife
1In the beginning, God created the heavens, the earth and Adam. And they were very good.
2But then Marx came along and said many slanderous things, especially about time.
3The LORD was very wroth.
4He put it into the hearts of the saints to assume the universe timeless.
5For there is no need to consider time in a timeless universe. It is redundant.
6Nor does it make any sense.
7And so Marx was at best redundant and at worst incoherent.
8But there was also Keynes, a Lord, but not the one truly jealous LORD.
9Keynes was sad to see the back of time, but rather pleased to see the back of Marx, which also pleased the LORD.
10But Keynes, too, said many slanderous things, even invoking uncertainty.
11And it did greatly dishonor the LORD, who knows all things.
12So the LORD wrote it in the hearts of the saints that the universe is certain.
13For there is no need to consider uncertainty in a certain universe. It is redundant.
14Nor does it make any sense.
15And so Keynes was at best redundant and at worst incoherent.
16But the dragon, that old serpent called Satan, was filled with wrath, knowing he had little, if any, time.
17He gave his power to a beast with seven heads and ten horns.
18The beast solved many equations, but with some markets missing.
19 It was a great deception that would have deceived even the very elect, if that were possible.
20The dragon caused the world economy to collapse, or at least enter into recession.
21And there was a timelessness of trouble, like none the earth had ever seen.
22And ideology-free theory rose against ideology-free theory to explain why banking interests should be prioritized.
23But the people were stubbornly unimpressed, and the LORD was lo enraged with them.
24So at that time Michael, the great prince, stood up and took a bow.
25He slew any economist who had meddled in the dark arts of time or uncertainty, history or demand, or anything else of an evil nature.
26Those who had not been defiled sang songs of praise.
27They looked to see a new heaven and a new earth replace the first heaven and the first earth, which had passed away.
28But when the LORD began to rule with a rod of iron, he found there to be very few economists in his midst with anything very interesting to say.
29And the LORD felt underwhelmed and greatly bored.
30And he repented for ever having created economists, and swore never to do so again.
31He gave permission to the four angels to unleash the four winds.
32And a great flood usurped the economists, and there were none – no, not one – safely ensconced in an ark.
33There had been no time to build one, the LORD having sent the flood as a surprise.